I'm 22 now and about 6 months away from being 23. I started this blog when I was just 19 and had nothing else better to do with my spare time. I'm finding myself to be in that same position again. Starting over with a bunch of spare time. I've tried being vlogger, but I'm never comfortable with my body image. I've tried being an author, but structure is hard. I guess being a blogger may be the best fit cause I ramble as I speak so I ramble as a type.
I feel that my rants have become more verbalized specifically towards my friends and family, but just so I don't keep thinking to myself. I used to think to myself a lot, because no one wanted to listen to me or considered what I had to say. But as I learned to assert myself, I realized that people did listen and they took into account the things I was saying. I started feeling better until something I said didn't come out right...
It didn't come out right, it was ridiculed and dismissed, and people stopped listening. I was back to talking to myself. I was back inside my head with no one but that tiny voice I thought was replying back. Am I dumb? Am I stupid? I was always thought of to be smart, but why does everything I say get dismissed? Why does it seem like I'm the oddball? Why can't I be one of the rest? Why does it feel like I'm different?
6 months from being 23 and about 4 years since I started this, I can't still make out why I feel so peculiar compared to everyone else. I have friends that love to hang out with me. I have family that love me. But it hurts to feel alone and underappreciated. It hurts to not have someone there to care. And it hurts to be in my own head ALL THE TIME. Everything hurts and it doesn't seem to go away.
I hope this helps. I hope writing will help change things. I hope I can be happier again as I write things out. Maybe the voice inside my head will be appeased and I won't feel so uncomfortable anymore. Maybe as I continue to type, things will be better as it was the first time I started...
I feel that my rants have become more verbalized specifically towards my friends and family, but just so I don't keep thinking to myself. I used to think to myself a lot, because no one wanted to listen to me or considered what I had to say. But as I learned to assert myself, I realized that people did listen and they took into account the things I was saying. I started feeling better until something I said didn't come out right...
It didn't come out right, it was ridiculed and dismissed, and people stopped listening. I was back to talking to myself. I was back inside my head with no one but that tiny voice I thought was replying back. Am I dumb? Am I stupid? I was always thought of to be smart, but why does everything I say get dismissed? Why does it seem like I'm the oddball? Why can't I be one of the rest? Why does it feel like I'm different?
6 months from being 23 and about 4 years since I started this, I can't still make out why I feel so peculiar compared to everyone else. I have friends that love to hang out with me. I have family that love me. But it hurts to feel alone and underappreciated. It hurts to not have someone there to care. And it hurts to be in my own head ALL THE TIME. Everything hurts and it doesn't seem to go away.
I hope this helps. I hope writing will help change things. I hope I can be happier again as I write things out. Maybe the voice inside my head will be appeased and I won't feel so uncomfortable anymore. Maybe as I continue to type, things will be better as it was the first time I started...
